Why Allyson does not knit socks

When I asked my knitting crush Allyson to write a guest post for today’s blog, she cackled gleefully and said she knew just what the subject would be. And then I was a little terrified but also hopelessly intrigued and eager to see what she’d write. I should have known she’d go for the proverbial jugular and attack my delicate sock-knitting sensibilities. (To be fair, she is busy designing patterns to help women in India earn a fair wage. I guess I can’t stay too mad at her.)

I hate knitting socks.

I hear my lovely blog host Amy yelling, ‘BLASPHEMER!’ as I write those words, but it is true. Alas! I am not a sock knitter. I’ve tried.

This is my first sock! You can tell I knit this a while ago because that thing on the right is a SLIDING PHONE, which doesn’t even exist anymore! I finished these socks and come across one in my sock drawer every now and then. But only one!

I’ve even designed a pair of socks.

Now these socks I wear. They are so cute you can’t NOT wear them (if I do say so myself), but wearing these socks is an event. They have to be pared with the right shoe, with the right skirt or cuffed pants. They have to be the center of attention.

And that, my friends, is at the core of why I’m not a sock knitter. My knitting needs to be the center of attention! I’m a flashy knitter! Hand knit socks go inside a shoe and under pants and no one can see them and tell me how amazing I am for knitting them, and that is just not something I can accept.

I need to knit diagonal striped sweaters and run around in the snow until someone tells me how much they love my sweater!

I need to work so many cables into my knitting that people look at me and exclaim, “I will never be able to knit something like that! so I can giggle and say, “Oh, it’s so easy!”

Socks are just too subtle. Yes, my feet would be happier in all the beautiful knit socks that Amy is always making. Yes, I would be happy knowing I was wearing a pair of socks I made. But where is the fanfare?! Where is the glory?! Where are all the people stopping me on the street to tell me how amazing I am for being able to knit?!

So Amy, and all you selfless sock knitters out there who are just happily wearing your hand knit socks just for you: my hat is off to you.

…why, YES! I DID knit the hat I’m saluting you with! I made the buttons, too. Thanks SO much for noticing!

I’ll be a sock knitter when I lose a leg in a freak biking accident. I’ll only have to knit one sock because I only have one foot, and since I’ll need to be in a wheel chair I won’t have to wear a shoe!

Until then, sock knitters, I’ll leave you to it, and be admiring your FO shots from afar.

Clearly Allyson and I have not met in person yet, or she’d know about my tendency to hike up my jeans and make everyone look at my hand-knit socks. But if I took such cute photos of my sweater FOs, I might be tempted to ditch the socks too. Just kidding.

Follow Allyson’s exploits at The Sweatshop of Love and on Twitter via @sweatshopoflove.